What do your listeners notice?  Attentive ones notice:

• do YOU listen well?
• do  you try to understand before trying to be understood?
• do you interrupt?
• do you confirm your understanding (playback, head nod, "yes.") when they are talking?
• do you maintain eye contact?
• do you ask others in a group for their input when they haven't yet contributed?
• do you read silent messages (body language, anxiety, anger) in others?
• do you speak with personal conviction and enthusiasm?
• do you gesture?
• does your thinking keep up with your speaking?
• do you misuse words or phrases?
• do you mispronounce words?
• do you adapt your language to better reach the listener?
• do you finish sentences?
• do you always answer so fast that you never communicate that you are reflective?

They also may take note if they hear you...

--saying "like...." in front of every declarative statement

--saying "ya know" or 'uuuhhhh" whenever you need a pause

--reckless use of questionable humor: sexist jokes, dirty jokes, ethnic jokes, dumb-blond jokes

--failing to be gracious in your criticisms of others.  Instead, take the "high ground" and acknowledge / recognize something good in what you criticize

--failing to show convictions.  When you take a stand for a principle you believe in, do NOT hedge your belief.  Unlike criticisms or positions discussed above, a conviction is "where you draw the line."   If you don't ever speak your principles, a person meeting you won't know that you hold any.

 

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© 2003 Michael E. Doherty

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